5 toxic thoughts and behaviors, I am letting go as a millennial manager

“I am a millennial manager, of course you don’t have to tell me why you’re taking time off.”

I am sure you have watched the incessant TikTok videos that celebrate millennial managers who value work life balance and flexibility. These videos have brought a breath of fresh air into the American economy, and a change to antiquated workplaces cultures that see employees as mere machines who should be exploited for their labor. The impact that millennials have in changing how we conceptualize the relationship between employees and work is undeniable. Millennials now represent over 60% of all managers, which means we play a significant role in shaping company culture.

Consequently, we also are a generation that has been plagued with significant life altering societal events — from the expansion of social media, and the rise of the internet, 9/11, the Great Recession, the invasion of Iraq, and the COVID-19, global health pandemic. Even through world chaos, we have managed to still be supportive, present and empathetic managers, and provide care and concern for our employee’s mental and personal health.

In celebrating all of the notable aspects of the millennial manager, I also realize that we have been forced to be the sacrificial generation. What do I mean by this? We’re a generation that has sacrificed our own mental health and personal well being for the lives of others. A generation that has sacrificed the reality of owning a home, starting and raising families and building wealth to increased corporate greed, and skyrocketing inflation. Millennials have never truly had the time to recover from all of the world chaos over the past decade — and many of us are shouldering the burden of work burnout, caring for aging parents, student loan debt — -while also still managing to be decent managers and showing up consistently for our employees. We have had to be high achievers even in the midst of world chaos — many of us felt the boomer generation pressure to make it in a much tougher economy; we felt propelled to prove to people that we weren’t lazy or not hardworking. Cue Whoopi Goldberg’s rant about millennials and Gen Z not wanting to work hard enough.

And now, we’re paying for it. It is estimated that the number of millennials born between 1981 and 1996 experiencing mental health issues is at 40 percent, and we’re more likely to suffer from depression when compared to our elders.

Throughout my career — I realized I have been indoctrinated with toxic beliefs about what I should be sacrificing as a manger — as a woman of color, and the first in my family to go to college, I have often had to be grateful and show an element of humility for the opportunities I have been given, as opposed to being forthright, and convicted in my belief to prioritize my needs above others. I have always feared that if didn’t express gratitude for the universe working in my favor and being one of the folks who “made it” — everything I have worked hard for would be taken away.

I am declaring this year, as a time to let go of toxicity — the toxicity that allows us to preach about the need to treat our employees as humans first, while ignoring our own humanity, and need for balance and care. Here’s a few thoughts and behaviors I am embracing as a millennial manager:

1. I am no longer taking on the work for other employees in order to make their job easier

Let’s face it, both millennials and Gen Z are managing an excessive amount of work burn out, and with us being more educated and credentialed than previous generations, we’re also taking on larger workloads to accommodate the breadth and depth of our skill sets. The “other duties as assigned” line on our job description seems to be the gateway for exploitation. As a manager, I have often felt the need to protect my employees from burn out, which meant, I often took on their responsibilities, even if they had the capacity to complete them. It’s completely okay to be concerned about an employee’s propensity for burnout, and to have an honest discussion with your employees about their workload — but it doesn’t mean that you should become the dumping ground for anything they can’t handle. The fact that employees have unreasonable workloads isn’t a manager problem, it’s an organizational culture problem.

2. I am no longer masking my own need for balance and time off

Oh, I am sure you have heard the whole, “well you’re a manager now, it’s going to require you to work at a much faster pace and take less time off.” Yes, I certainly want the promotion, title change, and salary increase, but I shouldn’t have to trade this for a life that lacks balance, or a life where I can’t also enjoy my personal time. Watching your employees take time off at their leisure while you just work your life away is going to make you bitter. Bitter and tired.

3. I am no longer always available upon request

I hate the notion that having direct reports means you must be accessible at all times. It’s hard being a manager. Supervision is challenging, and good supervisors have to set boundaries around their time. No I won’t be an absent manager — but I also won’t be one whose time is dictated by the needs of others. Just because you need me — doesn’t mean I am going to be available. Besides constantly being the available person is only going to cause people to take advantage of you.

4. I am no longer equating free time as available time

There may be unaccounted time on my calendar — but that doesn’t mean I am free. Studies shows that people need down time during their workday to take mental breaks, exercise, or fill their day with activities that stimulate them outside of work. As a manager, you shouldn’t have to be in back to back meetings everyday to prove your worth and value to any organization.

5. I am no longer sacrificing my own need for advancement because I am fearful of what people think of me climbing the ladder

Just because I am your manager, doesn’t mean I will stay your manager forever. Good managers are committed to ensuring their employees have opportunities for growth and advancement, but this doesn’t mean they need to sacrifice or ignore their own need to grow and advance for employee and company loyalty.

6. I am no longer hiding an employee’s lack luster performance

I am empathetic, and I certainly don’t expect perfection. I expect all employees to have high standards and deliver. As a manager, I have often hid problematic behaviors of certain employees. You know the employee who is consistently late to meetings, doesn’t show up to meetings, or doesn’t complete projects on time? If you are a poor performer, there’s no hiding that and I am not going to drive myself insane trying to cover it up.

Millennial managers — you with me? Who else is letting go of the toxic beliefs?